Things I learned from my Miscarriage

Things I learned from my Miscarriage

During November at 9.5 weeks pregnant I suffered a miscarriage. I had suffered multiple losses already. From 2016 to 2019, I had 3 chemical pregnancies or early miscarriages all around week 5 of pregnancy (I’d also had a 2nd trimester loss but that’s just an entire different story). But this loss wasn’t like those earlier ones, it was harder physically and mentally. I know my situation was different then most because I had tragically loss my daughter only 5 months prior but I do think as a society we don’t understand just how hard a miscarriage really is and I think it’s important to be educated and more aware because SO MANY WOMEN (1 in 4) will go through it.

Listed below are 5 things I learned from my miscarriage.

  1. You will have CONTRACTIONS… I knew there would be cramping, but in my mind it was going to be similar to a heavy period. I definitely wasn’t expecting my uterus to contract and my body to get ready for “birth”.
  2. Your tiny 9-10 week old baby will have FINGERS AND TOES… and no matter how many times your baby app told you that and showed you a picture of what your little “green olive” looked like seeing those tiny little features for yourself change everything. (Speaking of those apps… after loosing Elsa I was never able to bring myself to use the apps and facebook groups and anything else digital that I had loved during previous pregnancies because I knew if I were to loose my newest pregnancy they would all be a terrible reminder that I was supposed to be pregnant.)
  3. You may end up in the ER (or back at your doctor) WEEKS LATER… Ok this one threw me for a loop. Two weeks after I had miscarried, right when things were finally getting back to “normal” I ended up in the ER hemorrhaging because my body hadn’t passed everything and I literally had no idea my miscarriage was even relevant anymore. At 4am on a Sunday morning a doctor gave me pitocin to make my uterus contract and used forceps to physically remove the tissue that didn’t come out on its own.
  4. Your HCG levels may still pick up a POSITIVE on a pregnancy test even 6 weeks later… This one is still new to me and again, something I wasn’t expecting. Your doctor should be testing your blood weekly until your HCG levels are gone. Mine didn’t so imagine my surprise when 6 weeks later I thought I might be pregnant again. Do yourself a favor and make your doctor follow up with HCG tests to save yourself from the heartache of seeing those 2 pink lines so soon.
  5. You’ll still WANT a baby… and be willing to do it all again just in hopes that you may have one. It doesn’t matter how much physical pain you went through or how bad your heart hurts, you can’t just stop the want for a baby. Daily we remind ourselves how blessed we are to have two beautiful, healthy daughters but I think we will always long for another baby.

We were in the ER from 7pm Saturday until 7am Sunday.

“If I were to start a file on things nobody tells you about until you’re right in the thick of them, I might begin with miscarriages. A miscarriage is lonely, painful, and demoralizing, almost on a cellular level.”
-Michelle Obama